What Flight Attendants Want You to Know About Flying with Kids

May 24, 2023

A flight attendant with three children and 39 years of experience in the air tells PEOPLE how to best prepare the family for flight

It's a tough time to fly with kids, whether you're a parent or part of the flight crew. Passengers go viral for shouting at families with crying babies on the plane, leading some parents (including the Clooneys!) to feel obligated to pack "goody bags" for their seatmates filled with earplugs and candy.

Most recently, Toronto Blue Jays pitcher Anthony Bass divided frequent flyers and parents alike when he complained that wife Sydney Rae Bass was asked to pick up after a mess her children had left behind.

"The flight attendant @united just made my 22-week pregnant wife traveling with a 5-year-old and 2-year-old get on her hands and knees to pick up the popcorn mess by my youngest daughter. Are you kidding me?!?!" Bass tweeted alongside a photo of his kids playing on tablet devices in their seats.

While some came to Sydney's defense, including her sister Jessie James Decker (who wrote, "My poor sister is on her hands and knees, crying in the aisle, completely humiliated and exhausted, with her children while everyone else watched. Way to go, United") others defended the flight staff and cleaning crew, criticizing the Bass family for not following flight etiquette.

So what can you do to make traveling with little ones as smooth as possible? Robin Mermelstein, a 62-year-old flight attendant and mother of three who shares TikToks about her experience, tells PEOPLE what she's learned about on-board parenting from both the jump seat and the window seat.

While Mermelstein says that as a flight attendant, she wouldn't have asked Bass to pick up her popcorn. However, as a mom, she "would never, ever, ever leave an airplane" in such disarray. The basic rule of parenting applies here: "If [your kid] dropped it on your floor at home, you wouldn't let them leave it on the floor."

When planning snacks to bring aboard, consider what actually travels well on a plane. Mermelstein says that when her kids were young, she would pack "very small" portions of different snacks to reduce spill potential. "If you're opening a big bag of popcorn on the plane, that's getting all over the place — even if an adult sticks their hand in there!" she points out.

As a mom herself, Mermelstein is especially sensitive to the plight of parents in flight, but she's not the only crew member who recognizes the challenge. She encourages travelers with kids to speak up when they could use a hand managing the crowd.

"If the mom or dad has to go to the bathroom, we can watch the kids," Mermelstein tells PEOPLE. "I'll hold the baby, walk around with the baby or whatever while you take a minute."

While Mermelstein and her colleagues are happy to help when they can, it's important that parents pack bags under the assumption that the flight crew won't be able to provide every resource they need.

"After 9/11, we really scaled back on everything," Mermelstein says of what they keep in the cabin. "I can't provide you something that I don't have."

For example, cabins are no longer equipped with diapers, and domestic flights won't always have pillows and blankets at the ready. Even food availability is undependable, so bringing snacks is the best way to make sure your kids eat what they like. (You may also want to overpack in the snack and diaper department, in case you end up facing delays.)

Parents should explain the realities of flying beforehand so that their child can decide what they might need to stay seated for such a long time. Mermelstein says that the families that have "briefed their kids" tend to have the least trouble in the air. She remembers one particularly well-mannered 7-year-old boy seated with his mother on a 12-hour haul from Tel Aviv to New York.

"I complimented [the mom] and she goes, 'Oh, I know. Believe me, before we got on this flight, I explained to him: it's long. What do you need to do to be comfortable?'" recalls Mermelstein.

As far as in-flight entertainment goes, Mermelstein says the more options the better. "You've got to have backup for young kids, because if they run out of steam for one thing, you're stuck," she says. "I wouldn't just leave everything to one plan, like just an iPad."

When Mermelstein's kids were younger, she says she'd gift-wrap activity books, stickers and toys like Polly Pockets to entertain her kids in short intervals. "You have to play with this for 15 minutes, and then when 15 minutes over, you can open up something new," she remembers telling her three children. "Many, many times I would come home with a bag of stuff not even opened."